"Redemption" Eva James Ejxf@hotmail.com http://members.tripod.com/~evajames/ Spoilers: Two Fathers/One Son Disclaimer: All hail the great surfer god Note: post One Son Warning: MSR abounds Feedback: yes, please. ejxf@hotmail.com Classification: SRA, MSR Rating: PG13 *** I can't believe I did it. I committed the ultimate sin. I don't think I can ever forgive myself, but even if I could, Scully never could. She shouldn't. I don't deserve her. I'd always wanted to believe. I'd wanted to believe that Diana had my, our, best interests in her heart. What I didn't want to believe was that I was wrong, even if my poor judgement had been made years before. So, when Scully and the Lone Gunmen, the four people in the world actually on my side, came to me united against her, I wanted to believe Diana. I wanted to prove them wrong. How could I have been so stupid? When Diana walked into her apartment, I was shell-shocked. When she kissed me, there was a moment when I couldn't pull away. There was a moment when any human comfort - no matter how inhuman the benefactor - was comfort. Then I knew my sin. It was something I could never be forgiven for. If there is a God somewhere up in the heavens, I think that not even he could forgive this. For it was not a sin against He, or against country, or against morals. No, it was a sin against all of these and more. I have sinned against love. *** It's our first day back, since Spender's death, since the X-Files became ours once again. I don't know if I can do this. I hate that we never talk. Ours isn't an ordinary romance, but it is a romance still. We love each other, or at least I had thought we did. I love him, but ever since Diana returned, it's like I'm put aside, like I was only a substitute until the real thing came back. Is that all I ever was to him? It hurts to see the way he looks at her, the way he defends her, the way he trusts her. Sighing, I slowly swing open the door to our tiny office -- -- to find Mulder and Diana in a passionate embrace. *** Diana slowly slithers into Scully and my office. I in no way welcome her presence, yet still I feel the need to offer a cordial, "Hello." She responds with a small, insidious smile. Walking over to me, Diana places two small hands on my shoulders. I am about to push her away when she reaches up and kisses me again -- --just as the door swings open. I hear a very audible gasp and the sound of footsteps running away. It's Scully. Pushing Diana aside, I race out the door. I have to get to her, tell her it was a mistake. *** Tears fill my eyes and I take off running down the hall. I know I shouldn't be doing this here, not now, not with Mulder so near, but somehow nothing matters anymore. This is the end. It has to be. I can hear Mulder's footsteps running after me, but apologies and excuses aren't going to work anymore. Everything dies sometime. Now is the time for a part of me to die. Not the part that loves him, because that, perhaps, is the one thing that won't die, but the part that hopes he loves me back. *** I finally catch up to her and grab her arm. "Scully," I cry hoarsely as she crumples to the ground, her face tearstained, those very tears showing no sign of stopping. I kneel down beside her, trying my hardest to enfold her tiny body in my embrace. She just kneels there, as if she has given up. "Shh," I whisper, wiping away the tears with my thumbs as I cup her pale face in my hands. "It's not what it looked like. I swear. I-I can explain. I would understand if you can't forgive me, but please let me try. Don't leave me. Please, I can't lose you. I love you so much." At that, I pull her head to my chest, not giving her a chance to respond. She still sobs, her hands grabbing at my suit coat. I think maybe it's a good sign, because at least she hasn't pulled away. *** I don't know what to believe. I want to think that all he says is true, but at the same time, I worry that maybe this isn't real, that he's just trying to keep me from crying. Am I delusional? Love makes fools of us all. So I just kneel there, crying into his arms, savoring this moment, perhaps the last time he'll ever hold me. Yet still, I have to say it. Just on the slight chance, the off chance, that he really does love me, I have to try. "I love you too Mulder." *** Just when I'm about to give up hope, it comes. "I love you too Mulder." A big, silly looking grin spreads across my face, but it doesn't matter. I help her to her feet, eyes shining brightly now, with tears of joy. I can't help myself. I reach down and life Scully's slight frame in the air. I lower her down so she's just even with me and our mouths gravitate towards each other. *** He kisses my lips, and it's the gentlest, sweetest, most perfect kiss I've ever experienced. I think I could die happy right now, here in his arms. Suddenly, I hear a loud sound erupt around us. Applause. Startled, Mulder gently lowers me to the ground and we turn in tandem. I think the entire Bureau is congregated there. Strangely enough, everyone is smiling and clapping. As I slowly pivot to see the whole crowd, I notice money changing hands several times. I don't know what to make of it, but it can’t be all bad, so I shrug and grab Mulder's hand, leading him back down to our office. We're almost past the crowd, when he sweeps me off my feet, cradling me in his arms. It’s odd at first, but I've never felt so safe and loved in my life, so I sit back and enjoy it. *** Thanks to my great friends E&E for all their loving support.